theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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