My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
