I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
