I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
