so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
