is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
These tits shall not be calmed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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