five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
