Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
