Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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