When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
