hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
