I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
