Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
