capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
