if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
