Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
