Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize