Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
