This girl is more easily done than said...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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