I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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