I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
