Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
