Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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