im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize