I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
