tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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