I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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