she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
