VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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