so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
