I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
