I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
