The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
