bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
