i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
