I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
