Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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