I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
