wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's like God shit irony all over that family
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
