Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
