i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
