I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
This house was built for laser tag.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
