There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
