it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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