What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
