Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
God, I missed his penis.
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