I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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