He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
