Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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