I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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