Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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