He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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