i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
