i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
