My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
