I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
