I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
