butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
