I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
