I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
