About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
