I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
