ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
