He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize