no, he came in my armpit
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
